The mind of an alcoholic works differently to that of a normal drinker when it comes to alcohol. Our minds compel us to drink too much too often, our memory becomes distorted, and we become increasingly anxious, depressed, fearful, alone […]
We have a desperate need to understand why we drink the way we do. This need isn’t simply an urgent quest for knowledge it is driven by something far more powerful: shame, or rather, the need to avoid it. We […]
Shame is a soul eating emotion. We often bundle shame and guilt together, but there’s a distinct difference between the two: shame is when we think “I am bad”, and guilt means “I did something bad.” But there’s something else […]
Alcohol (ethanol) is a simple little chemical. It has two carbon atoms, six hydrogen atoms, and an oxygen atom. It doesn’t travel at speeds exceeding the speed of light and it doesn’t have the gravitational pull of a black hole… […]
As my recovery was strengthening I became acutely aware of the extent to which my mind was actively working against me. Even after I had summoned sufficient strength to fend off the cravings I still had to navigate my way […]
It is the reward system that drives addiction, but the consequences of regular and heavy drinking lead us to be not just addicted. Regular and heavy drinking causes changes in us, and most particularly changes in our brain and mind. […]
I knew for a long time what happened if I didn’t drink in the evening… I wouldn’t sleep. But what I didn’t realise was that this only showed me one of several changes that had occurred in my brain and […]
I don’t get rattled often these days, but here’s something that gets me frustrated. I often read in recovery blogs, notice-boards, chat-rooms and online communities … “I drank because…” and usually what follows this rattles me. It troubles me and […]
Why we’ve ended up in this position is a question that haunts us. It is as though knowing the answer will absolve us of the awful things we’ve done. But knowing the answer ultimately changes nothing; we are alcoholics, and […]
Relapse is a crushing and confusing experience. Stopping drinking is hard and I never understood quite how hard it was until I tried. It’s hard because sometimes the test can be ferocious, and sometimes it can be devious… my addiction kept finding new ways to challenge me. Until I realised just how hard it was, and how devious it could be, I didn’t bring enough to the attempt… that’s my experience. But relapse isn’t failure, it is education.
When we try to stop drinking we are confronted by many challenges. We have to overcome incredibly powerful cravings of course, but there is far more. Our daily routines have to change, people we associate with have to change, and […]
This post continues from Relapse! Relapse comes in many shapes and sizes. The first relapses we endured were failures to limit our drinking when we wanted to… e.g. “I’ll only have a couple”. It was when we realised that we […]
People coming to terms with a serious drinking problem struggle a lot with this idea. Many therapies for overcoming alcoholism describe it as a “disease”, but this is not always a helpful description. The principal problem with this is that […]
This post builds on the details described in “The mechanics of alcoholism” and “The onset of addiction‘. It is better to have read those before continuing with this post. Alcoholism is a chronic illness that is progressive, and if unchecked, […]
This post follows on from the post “The mechanics of alcoholism“. It is more relevant if that is read first. The dopamine “reward system” as it is called is the starting point of addiction, but not everybody who drinks alcohol […]